‘Send a Smile and Show You Care’

For the last few years, I’ve taken advantage of the power of the internet to raise money for some of my favorite causes (to date, nearly $1,700). Each year, I’m overwhelmed by the generosity of my family and friends, so full of gratitude for how willing they are to support organizations that mean so much to me. This year, I’m supporting three fantastic organizations for my birthday, each doing work close to my heart.

Miry's List is an organization that support refugees as they settle into their new lives in the United States, helping them with everything from furnishing their new homes to connecting to a supportive community. This small organization, largely fueled by volunteers, is assisting families across the country. My mom and niece have volunteered with the organization, helping refugee families improve their English skills.
Donate to Miry’s List

Get on the Bus is a project of the Center for Restorative Justice Works that helps incarcerated people stay connected to their families through bus rides for prison visits, gifts, counseling, advocacy, and much more. One of my favorite managers had been incarcerated and I knew how difficult it was for her to be separated from her children during that time and how hard she worked to rebuild those relationships upon her release, so appreciate that this program exists for system-impacted families.
Donate to Get on the Bus

The League of Women Voters works to protect and expand voting rights through advocacy, education, and litigation at all levels of government. I believe passionately in the power of voting and worry about the future of our country when far too many people sit out elections and far too many elected officials are eager to scale back voting rights.
Donate to the League of Women Voters

'Singing Songs of Joy and Peace'

 

Was it my recent viewing of "Easy A"? Were my days of "Degrassi" devotion stored in the cloud somewhere? Was someone keeping tabs on my YA book purchases?

I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why the "Dash & Lily" trailer popped up on my Netflix one day but know that when it did, I was in. A whimsical-yet-realistic teen romance set in New York and based on a series of books by the same team that brought us "Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist"? Yes, please!

I've had an affinity for teen culture (more recently gathered under the "YA" heading) since before I was a teenager, likely owed to the John Hughes oeuvre. I watched the original "Degrassi" series when I was around the same age as the characters and dove back in for the second generation when I was closer to the age of the teachers. I watched "The O.C." with a gentle mix of sincerity and sneering as I started my first post-college real job. I read through the original "Gossip Girl" and "It Girl" book series loyally but couldn't stick with the television series.

All of this to say, "Dash & Lily" has been a great fit for me this holiday season. Its scenes brought the winter wonderland-ness of New York to me weeks after a planned trip was cancelled due to COVID-19. Its awesome soundtrack is saving me from the auditory dreck this season usually provides (The Waitresses, Cat Power, The Pogues, The Ronettes … yes!!). Its characters bringing all the uncertainty, drama, angst, powerlessness, hope, and little joys that don't become any easier to deal with or recognize as we grow older.

Beyond the adoration I have for this miniseries is the vivid joy I feel in sharing that adoration with my 13-year-old niece. She watched it for the first time this weekend at my urging and was hooked too. We're picking out landmarks from the show to visit on a promised trip to New York. We texted lyrics to Joni Mitchell's "River" (soundtracking an important moment in episode one) back and forth. We need to read the book series together soon.

This is my new favorite binge. Thank you, mysterious algorithms for getting "Dash & Lily" to me.

'Count the Headlights on the Highway'

I can't pinpoint the exact moment I identified myself as a writer. I remember how proud I was in kindergarten when I came up with a different question for an art/writing project than the rest of my class (they went with who or what, I chose can: "Can you see me swimming in the water?"). I remember the short story I wrote for my mom one Mother's Day. I remember the thrill of having my essays picked for the wall in middle school. I remember the magazine and newspaper I made for school projects. I remember the books I wrote for the annual district contest.

I filled notebooks with poems and short stories. I paid attention to the bylines in the dozens of magazines that my family subscribed to (thank you, Publisher's Clearing House). I made a mental note of the bios, "[name] is a freelance writing living in New York City." I wasn't ready to take it on, not yet. I thought I might be a pediatrician (my less-than-stellar performance in math put that dream aside).

Music changed all that. NKOTB and teeny-bopper magazines changed all that. Kim Neely and Rolling Stone changed all that. Kurt Loder and MTV changed all that. Patricia Kennealy and Jim Morrison changed all that. I was ready to be a writer, to let that be my identity, my passion, my cause, and what I really, really, really wanted to spend my time writing about was music.

I had a plan. I wrote for my high school paper (one of my first pieces was a track-by-track review of the Guns 'n Roses covers CD "The Spaghetti Incident?"). I contributed to the local paper (one of my columns was on the death of Kurt Cobain). I went to college to study journalism (and picked my school in part because of the pop music coverage my adviser had). I wrote and edited for the school paper (where I got to interview one of my heroes, Henry Rollins). I wrote for the entertainment section of the local paper (and got to attend Almost Acoustic Xmas as my editor's guest). I knew it was only a matter of time before I was working for MTV or Rolling Stone or both (like the legendary Kurt Loder).

With all that history, I entered a movie theater just over 20 years ago to watch "Almost Famous," Cameron Crowe's dramatized retelling of his life as a teenage reporter for Rolling Stone. When Ben Fong-Torres calls William Miller to say he should be writing for Rolling Stone, I felt that moment all over my body. I wanted that phone call, I wanted that chance.

I never got either.

I did get an interview at MTV. I did use Kurt Loder's Rolling Stone title when I worked for the U2 fansite Interference.com. I did freelance for any and all print and web music outlets that would take me. I started this blog.

I tried. It didn't work out. I tried.

With all that history, I listened to Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" last night, a song that, for those who don't know, is essential to an iconic scene in "Almost Famous." I started to cry. Maybe I was exhausted after working the election. Maybe I was worn down by the last four years. Maybe I'm high-strung from the tiny flicker of light the election results are providing. Maybe it's the pandemic. Maybe it's knowing I gave up on my dream. Maybe it's knowing that dream wasn't really mine to have.

I tried. It didn't work out. I tried.

 

 

 

 

'Hand Fits Giving, So Do It'

My birthday is in two weeks. It’s not going to be quite what I planned or expected even a few months ago, but I’m going to make the very most of it. I’m taking a long weekend off work, having virtual gatherings with friends from around the country, having one socially distanced in-person gathering and created four special Spotify playlists (Sounds Like 43, Sounds Like 62, Picture Show and That's So '90s by user dsmith2904) to make the occasion.

I’m also raising money for charity.

I have to credit Facebook for this idea. Three years ago I was tempted by the social media platform’s offer to make a donation if I created a birthday fundraiser, so I did that year and the next. Since I’m celebrating my birthday over four days this year, I decided to create four fundraisers to benefit four nonprofits with missions that are close to my heart — Every Mother Counts, Feeding America, Musicares and Rock the Vote.

I recognize the unbelievable privilege I have in this moment to be able to make charitable donations. If you're able to support any of these fundraisers, I thank you. If you're able to share information on these fundraisers, and these incredible organizations, I thank you, too.

Here's more information on these organizations and direct links to my fundraising pages:

Every Mother Counts supports expectant mothers and advocates for maternal health.

Feeding America is battling food insecurity.

Musicares supports people in the music industry during times of need.

Rock the Vote registers, empowers and turns out young voters.

7 Ways to Lead Like Leslie Knope

Gathering the pieces for my "Parks and Recreation"-inspired presentation.

I just completed a nine-month supervisor training course at work. For our final class, we had to do a presentation based on the leadership topics we covered throughout the course. A few weeks ago, I attended the "Parks and Recreation" 10th anniversary reunion event at PaleyFest and inspiration struck — I'd do my presentation on Leslie Knope!

I'm sharing the text from my presentation here because I'm pretty proud of it (and the board I created) and because I'd like to express my continued appreciation to the people who brought this smart, passionate, diligent, honest, creative, optimistic, loyal woman to life for seven seasons, including creators Mike Schur and Greg Daniels, actress/writer/producer/director Amy Poehler, and every writer and director who furthered Leslie's story throughout the show's run. Thank you for giving the world such an incredible character and providing me with the inspiration for my presentation.

My board for the presentation of the "7 Ways to Lead Like Leslie Knope."

7 Ways to Lead Like Leslie Knope

I love “Parks and Recreation,” the mockumentary-style sitcom that ran on NBC from 2009–15. I watched the show faithfully throughout its run. I have the book “Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America,” written by the show’s writing staff and attributed to main character, Leslie Knope. I have a Li’l Sebastian stuffed animal, the show’s beloved local-celebrity mini horse. Even though I have every season on DVD, and can binge when I want on Hulu, I will stop to watch an episode that pops up on TV.

The show documents the work and home lives of the staff in the parks and recreation department for the fictional small town of Pawnee, Indiana. The team is led by Deputy Director Leslie Knope, played by Amy Poehler (also a writer, producer and director on the show), and, to a lesser extent, Director Ron Swanson, played by Nick Offerman. Leslie is the optimistic striver. Ron’s libertarian leanings inspire him to dismantle the government from the inside. There’s a disaffected intern who later becomes an often-apathetic permanent staffer. There’s the ambitious assistant who mainly cares about what his job can do for him. There’s the veteran staff member keeping his head down as he nears retirement. There’s the staffer who always gives 100 percent but has many other priorities besides work. There’s the newbie who has tons of enthusiasm and almost no skills.

This felt like an ideal workplace to dissect for my presentation. How do you get people with different values and work styles to come together and achieve big goals? Over the course of the show, Leslie Knope found a way to do just that while wrestling with many of the challenges we’ve discussed in this class — shrinking budgets, changing leadership, shifting organizational priorities. I went back through the show to see what I could learn from Leslie’s example and from that this list of “7 Ways to Lead Like Leslie Knope” was created. Similar to Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits for Managers,” Leslie’s management principles start with her own attitudes and actions, and then extend out to what she can do for her team.

Here’s my list of the “7 Ways to Lead Like Leslie Knope.”

1. Be passionate about your job.
Leslie loves her job. She truly believes she lives in the greatest town in the world and is honored to serve its citizens. Leslie’s passion for her job is contagious and helps her rally her team when facing tough challenges, like when the parks department put their jobs on the line to produce the Harvest Festival, an event they hoped would reinvigorate the bankrupt Pawnee. We may not all love our jobs as much as Leslie does but we likely all have aspects of our jobs that we love. Supervising my student team is the best part of my job, and I believe the excitement and pride I have for the work they do provides them with encouragement.

2. But have your priorities straight.
One of my favorite quotes from Leslie is: “We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. It doesn’t matter, but work is third.” Even for someone as career-driven as Leslie, work isn’t the main priority in her life. It likely isn’t for your team either and shouldn’t be for us as supervisors. I had a boss who remarked that work-life balance is a myth. She’s right. Depending on what’s happening at work or home, one is going to take more focus and energy than the other. Though we can’t achieve perfect balance, we do need to find that work-free space in our lives where we can relax and recharge.

3. Be open to different opinions.
A trademark of “Parks and Recreation” was the town meetings where Pawnee residents would loudly, passionately air their grievances with everything from the choice of board games at the rec center to the benefits of hand dryers over paper towels. Residents would also stop by the parks department office to share their opinions. Leslie and her team gave each resident their time, and sometimes good ideas came from these interactions. One resident’s request to add the “Twilight” books to a town time capsule led to the creation of an outdoor movie night. In our own jobs, we never know where a great idea could come from or who may provide the feedback that could help make our own good idea great.

4. Have clear goals.
“Parks and Recreation” begins with a resident complaining about an undeveloped pit in her neighborhood. Leslie vows to turn it into a park, a project that’s a major plot point throughout the show’s early seasons. Decisions are made because they could help lead to the park being built, like the parks department helping track down an opossum on a golf course to curry favor with the mayor. As we’ve learned from Covey, having clear goals is essential to good management, it gives our teams something to focus on and rally around. With my own team, which manages the social media accounts for Undergraduate Admissions, we have the long-term goal of getting more followers for our Instagram account — @lifeatucr — than the official university site has. That goal drives my team to brainstorm new contests, partnerships and campaigns to increase engagement and attract new followers. Though we have a ways to go before achieving our goal, around 4,000 followers, it is sparking my students’ creativity. Because I work with students, I also have a personal goal that when my students leave my team, they will be ready to step right into a professional job.

5. Understand your team members’ strengths and weaknesses.
Leslie clearly saw what her teammates, including her director, could offer and what limitations they had. Department Administrator Tom Haverford, played by Aziz Ansari, was a networker, so Leslie knew she could rely on him to smooth things over with the press. She also knew that her director Ron was not comfortable interacting with the public, so she would happily step in for him at meetings. Ideally we’d make all of our assignments based on our team members’ skills, interests and passions. With my own student team, I’ve had natural leaders who I could task with leading meetings and planning editorial calendars, and have loved watching them shine in those roles.

6. But still be willing to challenge them.
Parks department assistant April Ludgate-Dwyer, played by Aubrey Plaza, was young, apathetic and smart, often making good suggestions but having little interest in putting in the work to make her ideas a reality. Though April was happiest doing the very least she could in the office, Leslie recognized her potential, so when April suggested hosting an animal adoption event in a local park, Leslie tasked her with organizing it. We should encourage our team members to stretch outside their comfort zones so they’ll stay engaged. In my own career, I’ve appreciated the times when a supervisor gave me a challenging task, encouraging me to develop new skills and showing they had faith in my ability. As I’ve slowly delegated more with my own team, I’m giving them more challenging tasks and also challenging myself to step back and be the supervisor, not the worker.

7. And together you’ll accomplish great things. 
The second season of “Parks and Recreation” ended with Pawnee on the brink of bankruptcy, the government forced to temporarily close. Budgets were going to be slashed and some departments eliminated altogether. The closure happens just when an annual summer kids’ concert was supposed to take place. Undeterred by their government’s closure, and a total lack of funds, the parks department rallies together to put on the concert, with support from local businesses. Not knowing the future of her department, Leslie thanks her team for giving their time to put on the concert, without pay, saying, “You guys are the best, most important people in the most important government in the best city in the world.”

Having the faith and support of your supervisor can make you feel like you can take on most challenges. I’ve experienced that myself. With my own team, I do believe we will one day have more followers than the official UCR Instagram account. I also believe that after they graduate, each of my students will be star staff members at their first post-college jobs.

Putting together this list, I’ve realized how many of Leslie’s best practices align with what we’ve learned throughout the class. Through BCSC, I’ve been able to tap into my inner Leslie Knope and am empowered to be the very best supervisor for my students.

'And in My Bones I Feel the Warmth That's Coming from Inside'

Five year ago, I had the undeniable pleasure of spending Halloween at the Nokia Theater to celebrate the Danny Elfman's scores for Tim Burton's films (which you can read about here). As truly incredible as that night was — with appearances by Danny Elfman, Catherine O'Hara and Tim Burton — it did feel a bit incomplete because my niece and nephew weren't there to enjoy it with me.

Praise be the pop culture gods for giving us second chances! In celebration of "The Nightmare Before Christmas'" 25th (!) anniversary, The Hollywood Bowl hosted three shows with Danny Elfman and other members of the original voice cast joining the Bowl's orchestra to perform all of the film's music live as the film played on jumbo screens. Saturday night, the kids and I were at the Bowl (in the way, way, way, way, way back) to revel in it all.

The Bowl was transformed into Halloweentown for the weekend with games, trick-or-treat stations, photo stations, installations and more featuring beloved characters and scenes from the film. Special projections illuminated the stage throughout the night, interacting with the film and bringing an extra wondrous element. In the audience, people were decked out in homemade "Nightmare" costumes and other Halloween finery, some competing in a costume contest held onstage before the movie started. My family had little foam sheet Zero pins I made to accent our Tim Burton-esque ensembles.

I can't properly estimate how many times I've seen "The Nightmare Before Christmas" over the last 25 years. I remember first seeing it in the theater and going to the revival about five years later. I remember the impact of the music, the story and the little world the figures inhabited. Added to that are all the times I've watched the film with the kids, them memorizing the story and growing so attached to the characters, and how that attachment has spilled out into other parts of our lives, including a growing collection of "Nightmare" pieces that fill a Tim-Burton-themed room, as well as many, many trips to "Sally's House" at Disneyland.

This weekend's viewing had to be the most special thanks to the orchestra, the voice talent (including Danny Elfman, Catherine O'Hara, Paul Reubens and Ken Page), getting to watch it on five giant screens, getting to enjoy it with thousands of other people who love the film as much as I do, getting to enjoy it with the kids.

At the start of the night, I told the kids I'd probably end up crying at some point, the whole experience meaning so much to me. Art gives us so much, it inspires, it comforts, it entertains, it connects. Tim Burton's movies and Danny Elfman's music do all that and so much more. It's hard not to be moved by something so special, particularly when I get to share it with two amazing people. I hope to one day be able to let these two men know how very much I appreciate all they've given us.

It was a long night, though, and I credit the kids for doing their best to make it through the overture, film, intermission, curtain calls and encore. I promised something special would happen if they did, and was so thankful to be proven right. Accompanied by Oingo Boingo guitarist Steve Bartek and No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal, Danny Elfman capped off the night with an orchestra-backed rendition of "Dead Man's Party." What more could we ask for? Just for good measure, Danny Elfman brought Tum Burton out on stage so the two collaborators could enjoy the moment together — the packed house, the costumed audience members, the overwhelming love for the film — and take a quick selfie as the lights came up and it was time for all of us to go home.

To All the Women I've Hurt Before

Nothing's really changed in the way women are being treated in the wake of #metoo, #timesup, the Women's March, the Kavanaugh confirmation farce, the election of our current president, the prosecution of Bill Cosby. What has changed is that issues of harassment, assault and discrimination are being talked about, and dealt with, much more openly. Women are talking publicly, loudly, passionately about experiences that were supposed to kept behind closed doors, that were supposed to be shameful, that were supposed to be forgotten.

As painful and frustrating as this process has been, I'm hopeful that it will all be for the best. I'm also hopeful that this will lead to more hard questions being asked and to more self-reflection being done by both men and women. We have the opportunity to treat each other better, to treat ourselves better. To get there, though, we have to be honest about the ways we've hurt one another in the past. I'm working on it and that's why I'm writing this apology.

Women are constantly played against each other. Andy Cohen would have no empire if we weren't. We're made to believe we have to do this for our survival, that there are only so many spots available for women at any table so we need to fight to the death to secure ours. Why wouldn't we believe it? Listen to the radio — how many female artists do you hear on any given day? Watch TV — how many women have lead roles? Go the movies — how many women are listed in the credits? Look at our government — how many women can you find?

This is the system we live in, the system we sadly perpetuate. So we hold on to whatever scraps we have by criticizing and demeaning other women. We take on the responsibility of policing how other women should act, should speak, should live. We live in constant competition with one another because you never know when some woman is going to come along to take your job, take your friend, take your man. Bitches!

We do this without realizing. I know I have. I know I've been so nasty to other women I knew and didn't know because I thought I had to, because I thought that was the way to stay competitive, to stay tough, to stay ahead. It's not. I've lost far more than I've gained from participating in this toxic system. We all have.

Can we stop? Can we stop foaming at the mouth for catfights? Can we stop with the pointless rivalries? Can we stop raising our eyebrows about another woman's clothing, another woman's voice, another woman's life? Can we stop criticizing how, if or when other women raise children? Can we stop criticizing how, if or when other women work? Can we stop criticizing other women's bodies?

We don't all have to be friends. We don't all have to like each other. We should at least respect each other. We should at least give each other space. I don't automatically side with a woman simply because she's a woman. It's OK to have different opinions, different values. It's not OK to for our gender identities and expressions to cause a division, to be an attack point, to be seen as a weakness.

I want this to stop. I want "shaming" to be erased from our lexicon. I want all of us to be better friends, better mentors, better coworkers, better neighbors, better relatives, better partners, better people. I'm working on all of those things myself, which is why I know I have to issue this apology.

I'm sorry to every woman I've gossiped about.

I'm sorry to every woman I've backstabbed.

I'm sorry to every woman I've built up a competition with so I could justify my terrible behavior.

I'm sorry to every woman I didn't stick up for.

I'm sorry to every woman I doubted.

I'm sorry to every woman I demeaned.

I'm sorry to every woman I didn't champion.

I'm sorry to every woman I chastised.

I'm sorry to every woman I judged more harshly than I ever judged any man.

I'm sorry when I didn't speak out for you.

I'm sorry.